dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
