you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize