My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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