Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We need to get me chipped asap
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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