a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
