obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
