I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
