hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
