She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
