If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Randomize
