as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
