i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize