i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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