Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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