Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
