It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize