the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
