Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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