I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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