I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
