My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
