Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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