Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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