my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
