so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
