Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Everyone says I win the strip club
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
