I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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