The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize