I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
