I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
