Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
