Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This show inspires me to have sex in space
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
