cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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