her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hippo gnu deer
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
