Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
