two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
