so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
