So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
