isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
