Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize