Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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