The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize