you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
