So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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