yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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