After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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