so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
