I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
