3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
