We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
