census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
one might say we're banned from that church
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
