he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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