I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
