whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize