I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
