9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
