Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
