i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
