Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
