I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
