So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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