U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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