Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
