tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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