y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
