Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
