Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
