I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My penis needs a shock collar
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
