I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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