i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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