A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
